April 2005 - Anger & Behaviour Management
Parents Meeting held on 20th April 2005
Our invited Guest Speaker was Lis Manson, an Educational Psychologist from Rotherham who has particular responsibility for Aspergers (and provides training for teachers in her area). Her topic was Anger and Behaviour Management. The following are notes of the main points in her talk: Back to topNotes on Main Points
Central to Lis' approach was to consider the child first, and AS second. That is, the child shouldn't be defined primarily by its difficulties. Labels within the spectrum don't really help in themselves - as two children with the same label can be very different. To help a child you need to understand their individual characteristics and needs. Parents are experts in their own children.
The key to behaviour management is that prevention is better than cure. Good management will avoid the problem occurring.
Many kids on the spectrum are often very scared most of the time. Constantly in 'flight or fight' mode. This is because they are unsure of what's really going on in a conversation or in their surroundings, and they're not sure what's going to happen next. AS kids find it much harder to cope - if they can't establish patterns then they can't predict what's going to happen next.
Complexities in rules for social behaviours are especially difficult for AS kids who can't make patterns. This makes them apprehensive or scared.
In trying to manage them we must recognise them as like a cornered, wild animal - we help them by coaxing and encouraging, not by shouting!
There is no training course for parents of AS kids, just as there's no training course for parents of 'normal' kids. There's just one rule - you pick up ideas, you try them, but don't beat yourself up!
Benefits of AS. Some roles in life are particularly suited to the AS mind, e.g. where you need to get things right every time (pilot, surgeon, etc). Don't ignore the positive.
When our kids get angry, adrenaline flows and they can't think. It takes ¾ hour for the adrenaline to drain out. We need to give them that space before the brain is able to think properly. You can't solve a problem when angry.
Prevention is much better, i.e. to prevent them getting in that angry state.
What might cause the anger? Managing change, lack of language to explain, sensory overload, getting scared, lack of fairness, things not happening as planned.
Use a framework of questions
1. Must understand the real problem. What sorts of situations does it occur in? What happens before? What is the problem behaviour? What does it achieve for them (after the behaviour)? For example: child has problem with brother, child hits brother, and brother leaves the room, problem solved. Even though a child has AS, the same applies. What's in it for them? They're doing it for a reason.
2. Is it worth changing? Be selective. Can you work around it? Avoid it occurring? You can only really tackle one or two problems at a time.
3. The child is in many situations (home, school, childcare, clubs, etc) ? but we need to be consistent about how the problem is tackled.
4. Which problem to tackle first? The easiest! Get some success! This is particularly important if we are involving others (e.g. family, teachers) to help in consistently managing the problem behaviour.
At school - involve a third party, e.g. to explain that issues/behaviours are not unique to the child but are a function of the condition. The 3rd party can discuss issues in a way that a parent can't. The parent is the expert in on child; the 3rd party can be the expert on the condition. It can be difficult for a teacher to take advice on a subject that they do not feel comfortable with. The outsider may be calmer, less confrontational, and find it easier to give a broad picture. The 3rd party could be Ed. Psychologist, Communication and Interaction Team, Parent Partnership, maybe from diagnosis team, NAS or other local, voluntary group.
It's typical for all kids to behave differently at home and school. When they stop being frightened then relax, that's when the problems can start.
Where kids are diagnosed later (maybe because they are milder, or because of other difficulties as well) it means that there's been more time to bring up the kids in an unsupportive way, i.e. one where there needs are not known. This can lead to difficult behaviours becoming ingrained.
Consider the best rewards. A reward should be a motivator for a good behaviour to be repeated. Praise may not be a reward (as kids may not want the attention, e.g. at secondary school). The reward must be specific to that child, what they will work for to achieve or to avoid. It might be quiet time, chocolate cake in their room, or a timed period of 'wild' activity but it must be consistent and predictable in different settings.
Clear boundaries at home help the child as it gives them security. The boundaries will be tested, and will need to move over time, but they will help.
When will it get better? It will get worse before it gets better. Boundaries set will be tested before they are followed comfortably. So keep a record to gather information (is it getting less frequent? less intense?) to see the progress or help redefine the problem. Back to top